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  After that, I ventured out more and more. I started having dinner with her and Anson more too. Things finally started getting better and I had started to feel normal. Less like a freak.

  I ate in my room that night with May keeping me company. She brought a tray in with plates for me and her and we sat across from each other while she gossiped and laughed. After she had cleared the dishes and left, I changed into some of my favorite pajamas. I sat down in front of the tv cabinet and started flipping through my movies. Today was a good day, I thought as I chose a couple of DVDs. I gathered kitty and my pillow off my bed and cuddled up on the couch under the fluffy purple blanket.

  And that's how Anson found me a couple hours later.

  Chapter 6

  Anson

  This week has been shit! The whole fucking week. I don't know why I had even let myself think that it'd work having the Blairs here. I knew it was a bad idea. I fucking told my mom that too. But did she listen? Hell fucking no she didn't listen. When the fuck does anyone ever listen to me? Never that's when. It's hard enough for Ava on a good day. She doesn't need the extra stress and pressure of strangers.

  Maybe Mom forgot what it was like when Ava first came home but I sure as fuck didn't. I remember the constant tears, the rocking, the vacant, dead look in her eyes. Shit, in the beginning, she wouldn't even fucking bathe unless May or Mom bathed her. She didn't brush her hair or even her teeth. She was like a fucking zombie. She was getting better. After all these fucking years we were on the verge a real breakthrough. Hell, she was actually coming downstairs. It took years, YEARS, to get to that point. And then it's all fucking ruined. By some spoiled little bitch who doesn't know how to fucking mind her own damn business.

  I take another drag from the joint and wash it down with a shot of whiskey. Paul is eyeing me from across the sofa. He knows about Ava. Fuck everyone knows what happened to her. It was in all the damn papers; it was big news for a long time. But he doesn't know everything. No one does. Blake sits next to him and he's knocking drinks back as fast or faster than I am. Blake is my best friend. Fucker has been my best friend since we started kindergarten together. He's the only person I can sometimes talk to. Maybe because he has his own shit he deals with.

  "She's gonna snap out of it Anson," he says now. I know he's trying to be positive, but I don't feel fucking positive. I feel like getting fucked up and forgetting. Forgetting Mom, forgetting that little bitch Erica and maybe even forgetting Ava. As soon as I think it though I feel a wave of nausea roll through my stomach and I know that I don't mean it. I don't wanna forget Ava. It's not her fault. It's my fault I should have tried harder. I should of fucking protected her. I throw the glass across the room and watch as it shatters against the wall.

  Paul and Blake barely spare me a glance. It sure as fuck ain't the first time they have seen me lose my temper. Fuck, they have broken at least as many bottles and glasses as I have.

  "Fuck it, man, let's play some Redemption" I mutter.

  It's hours later and the sun is shining through the window. I don't know what time it is but I should go home. Mom wants us all home for dinner, at least until football practice and school starts back up. We know what life will be like once school is back in session. I get it but I don't fucking want to sit there at the table while Ava is upstairs lying in bed practically comatose and everyone just fucking carries on like it's no fucking big deal.

  I'd spend the whole dinner glaring at Erica as Mom and Andrew try to engage everyone in happy family chatter. The twins are clueless they talk constantly. What the fuck are they even talking about? I can't even fucking understand half of what the little brats are saying. Mom smiles and nods and pretends I can't see the worry in her eyes. While Erica looks like someone fucking shot her damn dog. Fuck it. It's too depressing. I'd rather stay here with Blake and Paul.

  I spent the past week in and out of Ava's room. Talking to her and silently pleading for her to get better. I know she can hear me. I don't know where she's gone though, or when she will get back. Last night was too much. I couldn't take it any longer so after I left her room instead of going back to my room, I came over here to Pauls' house. We drank and smoked his weed and played Xbox until we passed out. Now I blink my eyes open and stretch. I'm really fucked up. I have a kink in my neck from falling asleep on the couch. My head is pounding. I look over at Blake. He's worse off than I am. I smirk when I think how he's gonna feel after sleeping all night on the hard floor. Paul is stretched out on his bed. I guess he's the only smart fucker here.

  I check my phone and notice it's after 11 o'clock. Damn, we have a meeting with the coach in an hour. I start scrolling through my messages as I kick Blake in the thigh. It's just the same shit as usual, girls looking for a fuck, guys looking to party.

  "Wake up asshole" I smack Paul next. "C' mon it's late we gotta get to the school. Blake moans and glares at me

  "Fuck off man" he grinds out. Paul just sits up. He's already on thin ice with Coach and can't afford to piss him off anymore. Damn, school hasn't even started yet and he's close to losing his spot on the team. "We all know the drill," he mutters holding his head. "I got this shower. You two can use the guest showers down the hall" he's right this ain't our first rodeo. We know the drill. We all wander off to take our showers and get ready. While I'm in the shower I hear my phone go off. I check it when I get out and see it’s a message from Mom.

  Mom: Ava's UP! :)

  Me: Really? how is she? I type out rapidly.

  I'm typing out another message when the phone rings. It's Mom and I accept the call.

  "Hey, Mom. How is she?" I repeat the question.

  "She's really good! I'm not home yet but I'm on my way back now. I talked to May earlier and she said that she got up, took a shower and got dressed. May said she ate her breakfast and seemed happy." I can hear the relief in her voice and I almost, ALMOST feel bad for all the shit I gave her over Erica.

  "Ok. I'm on my way home too" I say already stepping into my jeans.

  "No Anson. Don't you have that meeting with coach today?" Fuck she would remember that.

  "Fuck it Mom. I can blow it off. I'm coming home." I hear her sigh wearily into the phone.

  "Anson we both know that meeting is mandatory, you can't just blow it off. I'm nearly home I'll sit with her awhile. You go to your meeting. I'll text you and let you know how she's doing." There's a long pause before mom eventually continues "Seriously Anson, football is important this is your senior year. You should enjoy it. I know how worried and stressed you have been this last week. I'll take care of Ava, if there are any problems, if she seems down or upset, I'll text you. She's up. That's what matters." I bite my lip and sigh. I know she's right. I can't blow coach off without serious consequences. Finally, I agree.

  "Ok Mom, thanks. Just please text me when you get home and let me know how she's doing. I'll come home right after the meeting." I hang up after Mom promises again to text me.

  The meeting was brutal and went on forever. I got a text from mom halfway through it.

  She's in her spot drawing. She's laughing and happy. She even allowed physical contact! I don't think she's ever bounced back so quickly from an episode! I'm going to call Dr. Brinkley when I leave here and give him an update. I already called him earlier to let him know that she was up. Ava seems fine. It's like this past week never even happened! You know she usually takes a few days to get back to a normal routine. I really think this is big Anson! I'm going to stay with her for a few hours. Call me when you're meeting is over. :)

  I literally go limp with relief. After the meeting is over, I call mom and she gives me more details about Ava. She refused to go down to dinner, but mom isn't worried about that. We didn't expect her to be ready to anyway. She asks if I'm gonna be home for dinner and I hesitate. Coach wants us to go to his house after the meeting he's grilling steaks for the team and I know I'll get shit if I don't go. Coach is a big believer in the team being a team. He does things like this all the time and
expects us all to show up. Especially his star quarterback. Finally, I decide Fuck it. I'll go up and see Ava after I get back from Coach's. I tell mom about Coach and she’s not happy, but she knows how he is. She promises to let Ava know I'll be up when I get home. I hang up and jog over to the guys.

  Coach is fucking strict as hell about shit like this. He has a few rules in place. One, EVERYONE shows up. Unless you have a good fucking reason you better not miss one of his "team-building sessions". Two, no girlfriends (or boyfriends) allowed. Three, no messing around on your phone until you leave. So that's it. If a parent calls or texts we can answer it but, he better not see you abusing what he refers to as his generosity on the matter. We have a good time though. Coach has a huge swimming pool outside and a pool table inside. We all eat steaks and salads and just shoot the shit. I've missed some of the guys this summer. Some of them I haven't seen since school let out last May. It's after nine before I can leave and about fucking time too. I'm anxious to get home and see Ava.

  Chapter 7

  Ava

  Anson has a distinctive knock too. His are two hard loud knocks. One after the other with no pause in between. He doesn't poke his head in like mom either. He just flings the door wide and stalks in like he owns the room. It never fails to make me giggle. He strides in now

  "Hey Avie Mavie" he grins at me. That's been his nickname for me since Mom brought me home from the hospital. I grin at him and pause Ice Age. He scoots closer and turns to face me. I mimic the action and raise a brow. Anson reaches over and gently tugs on a curl. I laugh and push his hand away. "So, you worried me. Are you ok? Be honest now. How do you feel?" He gives me a stern look and a worried frown. I thrust my face closer to his and give him a big exaggerated smile. His expression doesn't change so I make a goofy face at him. "Ok, ok, if you're watching cartoons and being a goofball, I guess you're ok" he laughs, and I laugh with him. Sometimes I wish I could just talk to him, but I don't know I can't seem to do it. He tickles me and I laugh. Then he throws his arm around my shoulder, snatches the remote and pushes play.

  The next morning is basically a repeat of the day before. Kitty wakes me up. I wash her face and give her a bottle. I take a shower and get dressed. Today I put on pink coverall shorts and a yellow and white striped shirt. Pink over the knee socks and two ponytails with yellow ribbons complete the look. I decide to add a little makeup and some glitter to my eye. Mom brings breakfast up and eats with me. She tells me no one else is awake yet. After breakfast, she paints my fingernails for me and lets me paint hers.

  "Can you try coming out of your room today Ava?" she asks as I'm turning her nails a light baby pink color. I look up and frown at her. I shake my head no before looking back down. She reaches over and gently lifts my chin. I pull away and frown at her again. " You don't have to come to dinner. You don't have to talk to anyone. But you have made so much progress baby. I don't want you to stay up here too long and undo all your hard work." I frown and look back down "Just think about it ok? it’s a pretty day, you could walk down to the stables. I bet misty and Cowboy really misses you." After a few minutes I glance up at her, she’s still smiling so I give her a little nod and a smile. "Good Girl!" she exclaims excitedly. I laugh a little and shake my head. She talks about Andrew and the twins and tells me a funny story about them playing in the pool. I laugh as she describes their silly antics.

  Mom leaves soon after that and I think about going and playing with my dolls. But maybe my mom is right. Maybe it is better to leave my room before it becomes too scary. I go into my closet and find my pink converse shoes as I tie the laces, I decide I'll go to the stables and visit misty and cowboy and all the rest of the horses. I stand in front of my door for a long time before I reach out and lay my hand on the knob. My hand is shaking, and this is harder than I thought it'd be. What if the twins are running around? Everyone keeps saying how rowdy they are, and I know how loud noises sometimes upsets me. Maybe I should wait. I'm about to give up when I think about my mom and Anson. I know the quicker I do this the less they will worry. My heart is pounding in my chest and I feel a little light-headed but, I grab the doorknob and gently open the door before I can lose my nerve.

  The stables were fun. It has been a couple of weeks since I'd visited them, and I decided right then and there that I'm going to come every day from now on. Billy let me brush the horses and I braided Misty's mane and even put little pink ribbons in it. She looked so pretty! After the stables, I wandered around the garden and looked at all the flowers and roses that were blooming.

  I'm standing in the garden when I hear Andrew's voice. He sounds agitated.

  "That's just not a good idea." Pause. "I know there's been a lot of problems with him" Pause. "Look what do you want me to say? I can't do that." Pause. " Dammit I KNOW he's my son, but you haven't ever really let me be a father to him and now, NOW all of a sudden you want me to have him live here? With me?" He curses quietly as he listens to whatever the person on the other end of the phone is saying. "What does he want?" "Yes, it matters!" "Shit, fine, I'll talk to Kate."

  I walk away quickly before he sees me standing there.

  Chapter 8

  Ava

  I hurry back inside the house. I don't know why but I don't want Andrew to know I heard his conversation. Maybe because I know I shouldn't have listened. I didn't mean to eavesdrop on him, but I didn't want him to know I was standing there and try to talk to me. I'm halfway to my room when I see Erica turn the corner. She stops then walks slowly, tentatively towards me. I back up a step. Her hands are held out a little in front of her and she's walking slowly towards me.

  “Hey" she says so quietly, I barely hear her. I look over my shoulder thinking about turning around and going back downstairs. "I get it if you don't wanna talk to me" she whispers hesitantly. " I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry." I'm trying to remember why she's sorry, but I can't. I look at her, she's still several feet away. "I've never had a sister before I was hoping we could be friends. I know I haven't been very nice to you, but I was just being stupid. I'm sorry ok?" She looks like she's close to tears. I don't remember her ever being mean to me. I guess she just means she hasn't gone out of her to be nice to me. An image of Erica laughing flashes in my mind and I get the feeling she's laughing at me. My heart is racing in my chest. I feel sweat on my neck. I'm honestly terrified. I don't know why? But I remember my mom's words this morning. I look closely at Erica. She seems sincere. Finally, I yank my head into a quick nod and flash her the tiniest most pitiful excuse for a smile before turning the corner and running away.

  I run and run, turning corners until finally, I stop. I'm outside the library. I haven't been in this room in a long time. I push open the door and go inside. I decide to hide out here within all the shelves and chairs and couches. The room smells of books and lemon pledge and flowers. I curl into a chair and wait for my heart to stop racing.

  I guess I fell asleep because the next thing I know I'm jerking awake. I stretch and get up, checking my watch and seeing its almost time for dinner. I head to the dining room.

  I don't know why I thought Andrew would say something about the phone call at dinner, but he doesn't. Everyone is around the table tonight and it is almost like an exact repeat of our first dinner together. It feels like Deja Vu, except there isn't any excited chatter from the twins tonight. instead, they keep shooting me wary looks across the table. Erica looks relieved to see me there. Mom and Andrew keep up a steady stream of conversations asking everyone about their day and making plans for the school year which is only a month or so away. Andrew seems distracted and I know my mom notices it. But she doesn't say anything. Anson seems kinda grumpy and quiet. He and Erica are busy simultaneously glaring at and ignoring each other. The atmosphere is a little tense and honestly, I'm happy to escape back to my room.

  I want to take a hot bath before bed. I fill the tub with hot water and add in different salts, oils, and bubbles before stripping off my clothes and sinking down. I lay my head back,
shut my eyes and let all thoughts of Andrew and Erica and my mom and Anson slip away.

  Chapter 9

  Mason

  I can admit when I've fucked up and I fucked up pretty big this time. In my defense though I was very high and more than a little drunk. Stealing the principal's car and racing it against the head principal of Bay Academy's car seemed like a funny prank at the time. Obviously wrecking it wasn't part of the plan. And the fight that broke out between us and our rival school wasn't even my fault. I can't help that they are sore fucking losers. No one has a fucking sense of humor anymore.

  I guess I can understand mom being pissed but seriously calling my dad is going too far. Ya, I'm glad I wasn't around for that conversation. My parents couldn't be more opposite if they tried. Dad owns a few businesses. It seems he's got his fingers in so many pots I don't know how he keeps up with anything. I know he owns several hotels and a couple of real estate agencies. He's a lawyer and him and his partner, a buddy from his high school days, own a huge law firm. I think he owns some restaurants and who knows what all else. We don't exactly have the greatest relationship.

  Mom, on the other hand, is lead guitarist in a band. She spends about 10 months of the year on the road touring. She has tattoos going up both arms, piercings in just about every body part that can be pierced. My dad looks like a walking poster for the all-American boy whereas my mom looks like something off the cover of rolling stones. Which in fact she has been on. More than once.

  I really wonder sometimes how two completely different people managed to get together long enough to produce me. Fortunately, that mystery was solved long ago. I am apparently the result of a week-long fling in Dad's college days. As the story goes Dad was on spring break and hadn't quite settled down into the upstanding citizen he is now. Mom was already something of a celebrity, of course, nothing on the scale that she is now, but still pretty big shit. They ended up in the same town at the same time. A few months later dad gets a call letting him know he's got a kid on the way. I guess I should be grateful mom didn't just get rid of me. Of course, they both agreed that marriage wasn't in anyone's best interest and after I was born, I was pretty much handed off to a nanny while Mom continued her quest for fame and fortune and Dad went on to finish his law degree.