All That Matters Read online

  All That Matters

  By

  Sadie Rose

  Copyright © 2019 by Sadie Rose

  No part of this book may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without written permission of the author. This eBook is licensed for your enjoyment only. It may not be re-sold or given away to other people. The story in this book is the property of the author, in all media both physical and digital. No one, except the author of this property, may reproduce, copy or publish in any medium any individual story or part of this novel without the expressed permission of the author of this work.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual person, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Dedication

  This book is dedicated to the little girl hidden in every woman. To the childlike wonder and innocence that exists in each of us, and to all those who still believe in fairy tales and happily ever afters. Never stop believing.

  Prologue

  The room is dark. It's cold and it smells bad. Like urine and rotting food and dirty bodies. I'm scared but I'm not alone. I hear crying and I know that's what woke me up. I want to tell whoever is crying, probably the new girl, to stop, to be quiet. That HE is going to hear her. But I don't. I just lay there with my eyes squeezed shut and my thumb in my mouth. The crying gets louder. "Shut up, shut up, shut UP!!" I scream in my head. Now the other girls are awake too and they tell the one crying to be quiet. I hear them shushing her, warning her. She won't listen. She gets louder. She's sobbing now and crying for her mom. And I know then it's too late. I hear steps, loud, angry steps. The other girls hear it too. They scurry like rats away from the new girl. Back to their mats on the floor. I don't open my eyes. The door is unlocking, and the new girl is wailing, a horrible sound, but it's not even the worse sound I've heard since coming to this place.

  The door opens and he comes in. I hear his voice loud and angry. Loud and angry is better than his quiet voice. He's yelling, telling the girl to shut up! I squeeze my eyes tighter. I curl myself smaller into a ball. I hear him grab the new girl, she's begging and crying. I hear sobs and sniffles and moans all around me but the loud crying blocks most of it out. The familiar sound of flesh striking flesh fills the room. Why doesn't she just STOP? And then she does. Suddenly, abruptly. The man stands there for a long time his breathing filling the now silent room. Then I hear steps walking towards me. I bite my thumb and huddle deeper under my thin blanket. "No, no, no, no, NO!" I beg silently.

  I wake up. Drenched in sweat. Tears streaming down my face. I'm in my bed. I'm warm and safe. A nightmare. Just another nightmare.

  Chapter 1

  Ava

  I sit by the window and watch the commotion below me. My mother is outside laughing. I know she's excited but I'm not excited. I don't like new people and now there's going to be a lot of new people. She throws her arms around my new stepdad, smiling up into his face. She's happy and she does deserve happiness. My stepdad is tall, and I suppose he's handsome. His dark hair is streaked with silver and he has laugh lines around his eyes. I guess that makes sense, I don't think I've ever seen him NOT smiling. I watch as two little boys get out of the car. Jack and Oliver. The twins. They are eight and loud. I'm glad their rooms are on the other side of the house. I've never had a little brother and now I have two.

  The girl gets out next. She's a year older than me. Fifteen. She has the same dark hair as her brothers and her father. She looks bored and angry at the same time. I know she doesn't want to be here. I don't blame her. Erica, my new sister, stepsister but still. I had heard my mom talking with Andrew discussing where to live after the wedding. He has a business, home, and family two hours away. He didn't want to uproot his kids, take them out of school and away from their friends. I get that. But in the end, they agreed it would be best for them to move here. Because of me. It'd be too hard for us to move there. I'm thankful. I don’t want to leave. I like my room, my house, it's familiar, it's safe.

  The wedding was here at our house, again I know Mom did that for me so that I could go. Andrew's parents came, and so did my grandparents. My mom's two sisters were there with their husbands and children. And of course, some people from Andrew's family came. It was a small wedding with less than 50 people attending. Even though there wasn't a lot of people it was more than what I was used to. I didn't stay long before slipping back upstairs to my room. It was a pretty wedding. My Mom looked beautiful in a cream-colored dress. Her hair hung down her back in soft curls with pink and white flowers woven into it. Everything was draped in pinks and whites. There were flowers literally everywhere.

  After the wedding, the twins and Erica went home with their grandparents and Mom and Andrew went on a honeymoon. They only stayed gone for a week. Mom said that was as long as Andrew could get away this time of year and I know she doesn't like leaving me and Anson even though he's 17 and I'm 14 and we have an entire house full of servants that can take care of us. After the honeymoon, Andrew came back here with Mom, but Erica, Jack, and Oliver stayed another two weeks with their grandparents. He has just left earlier this week to go get them and bring them here, to their new home.

  I continue watching as bags are unloaded and the servants start carrying them inside. My mother leads everyone up the wide stairs and into the house and I walk away from the window. I sit on my bed and kitty jumps into my lap. I smile as I stroke her pretty black fur. I won't have to go greet them. Not until dinner. My stomach clenches at the thought but my mom was up here earlier this morning.

  "Please, Ava. I know this is hard for you. But this means so much to me. Could you please just try?" She looks tired. "Please just come down for dinner. You can do that. Can't you?" she pleaded with me. What else could I do? I do want her to be happy. She deserves it after the hell she's been through. The hell I've put her through. So, I agreed.

  But dinner is hours away. I move Kitty from my lap and get out my sketchpad. I've always liked drawing. It's calming. I draw a picture of my mom and the way she looked smiling up at Andrew.

  "Come on Ava, time for dinner." My brother is waiting at my door. “This, fucking sucks," he says, and I smile back at him because I agree it does suck. "Like we need a bunch of strangers moving in." My brother is my best friend. He is tall, over 6 feet, with wide shoulders. His hair is the exact same shade of honey blond as my mom’s. He turned 17 just a few weeks ago. He glares as we walk down the wide staircase. We walk into the dining room just as the twins run in.

  Erica, Mom, and Andrew are already at the table. Mom and Andrew are smiling and talking quietly. Erica is sitting with her arms folded and an angry look on her face. Andrew is at one end of the table and Mom is at the other. Erica is on the right side of the table and Jack and Oliver sit on either side of her. Anson and I sit down just as the servants start bringing in our dinner.

  "Oh! This is nice! Our first meal as a family!" Mom beams at us all. Erica rolls her eyes as the twins' launch into loud chatter.

  "This place is great Dad! Did you see our rooms? Wow! They are awesome!" Jack or Oliver grin over at their dad. I can't tell which is which yet.

  "Yep, pretty cool" He responds.

  "Jack’s room has all these cool skateboard posters and stuff and mine have all these really cool model airplanes and cars and even some that I can put together!" Ok, so I guess that's Oliver.

  "And we have our own bathrooms EACH!" Jack interrupts. My mom is grinning and looks so happy and for a minute I'm happy too, for her anyway.

  Andrew laughs "Did y'all see your game room yet?" Jack and Ol
iver both start talking rapidly, starting and finishing each other's sentences.

  "Yes! it's so cool! It has...."

  "This HUGE tv...."

  "It has EVERY gaming system!!..."

  "Even an XBOX ONE! And every game...."

  " It has a pool table! “We love it!" they say together.

  Even I can't help smiling at their enthusiasm. Mom and Andrew smile at them.

  "Your dad came up a couple months ago and told the workers exactly what ya'll would want" My mom smiles at Andrew. I can tell she’s very relieved that they like their rooms. For weeks that's all she's talked about, making sure the house was ready for "our new family" as she refers to them. "What about you Erica? Do you like your rooms?" She asks hopefully.

  "Yeah, they are great." Erica mumbles. "but I'd still rather be back home in my OWN room"

  "Erica." Andrew shoots her a warning look.

  Mom had two of our guest rooms converted into a bedroom and sitting room for Erica. It's all decorated in blacks and creams with gold accents. She had her bathroom completely remodeled too. It's really pretty. I had walked through it with my mom, just yesterday as she fussed and straightened and rearranged. "Do you think she will like it, Ava?" She had asked nervously. "Andrew swore this was what she wanted. He said she's been begging him to redo her room back home for nearly a year now." She chewed her bottom lip nervously as she looked around. "What if she hates it?"

  My mom was trying, and it pisses me off a little that Erica isn't more enthusiastic. Erica looks at my mom.

  "It's beautiful Kate. I just miss my friends and all" Now I feel bad for Erica. It's probably hard having to move to a new town and go to a new school. The conversation goes on and my mind drifts. I saw the twins staring at me a couple of times but all in all, dinner wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it'd be. Even Anson seemed in a better mood. Maybe it'll be nice having them here.

  Chapter 2

  Ava

  This first week really hasn't been so bad. After our first dinner, Anson went to hang out with his friends. He came home a little high, but he sat on my bed next to me and told me all about the party and his friends. Sometimes I wonder if he's really telling me the truth, but his stories are so funny, I don't really care if they are true or not. Before long we were both laughing. That's what I love most about Anson. He doesn't treat me like the broken girl or the crazy girl. He just treats me like Ava, his sister. I don't see him as much now that he's in high school. And I know I'll see him even less once school starts. He's a senior this year and I'm painfully aware of the fact that my time with him is limited. Next year he will go off to college and I'll be left here. The thought is too depressing, so I push it away.

  Things don't change much for me really. I spend most of my time in my room and no one other than Mom, Anson, Genny, and May are allowed in my rooms. Genny and May work for us. They have been here since before I was born. May used to be my nanny. She's the sweetest woman in the world. She was my mother's nanny when Mom was a little girl and when she and dad married, she begged to have May go with her. Back then my dad couldn't refuse my mother any request, so May moved with my mom. When Anson was born, she became his nanny and then mine when I was born. My mom hired Genny as a housekeeper when they moved into this house and she's been here my whole life. I love them both completely. They are my family.

  This house is ridiculously huge. You can get lost in all the hallways and corridors and rooms. It was a wedding gift from my grandfather, my dads' father, to my parents. I guess it's been in our family forever. I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it. I love everything about it. The carved moldings, the big. bright windows. I love the huge ceilings and shiny wooden floors. This is my home. It's the only home I've ever known.

  It's the 6th day after "our new family" arrived and I hear unfamiliar footsteps outside my door. Fear and panic clog my throat. There is a brief hesitation then a loud knock at the door. I sat frozen on my floor; Kitty curled in my lap. The door opens and Erica is standing there. I know it's unreasonable. I know it's stupid. But I don't WANT her HERE. Not in MY room. I try to control my breathing, to stop the panic I feel. But it is too awful. This is MY place! She shouldn't be here!

  "Hey, I know you like your privacy or whatever but I'm bored. You want to go swimming?" Erika looks around my room curiously. "This room is weird," she said. "Is this really your room?" She started laughing. "What are you like five? This is a kid's room" She laughs louder.

  Anger and embarrassment make my face flush red and tears spring into my eyes. I don’t really get why she is laughing but I knew she is laughing AT me. Making fun of me. I want to yell at her to get out! To LEAVE! But of course, I don't. I jump up and run into my bathroom, slamming the door and locking it. I sit on the floor and press my hands tight over my ears and squeeze my eyes shut.

  I hear Anson yell at Erica "What the FUCK are you doing in here! Get OUT!" He shoves her out the door. Anson knocks on my bathroom door. "Let me in Ava. C'mon she's gone, let me in." He knocks over and over, but I can't get up. I can't let him in. I tuck my knees up and bury my face in my lap. Silent tears run down my face. Why am I like this? Why can't I just be normal? I'm such a freak. "I'm gonna go get mom" he finally sighs.

  Mom and Anson come back and unlock my door. That's one thing I hate. I don't ever have privacy. I know my mom has keys to every room. She unlocks the door and comes in. She knows not to touch me when I'm like this, so she just sits beside me. Watching me cry and rock.

  "You're ok baby" she croons over and over. I know Anson is in the doorway I don't look at him or at her, but I can feel his presence there. I don't know how long I'm in the bathroom. But finally, I let my mom lead me out. Anson left while Mom tucks me into bed. "I'm sorry Ava. She shouldn't have come in here. She won't again ok? I love you. I'll have Andrew talk to her" She kisses my head and I know it hurts her when I flinch away from her touch. But I don't care. I'm too tired to care. I roll onto my side and shut my eyes. I don't start crying again until I hear her shut the door and walk away.

  Chapter 3

  Erica

  I hate this house! I hate being here! I just want to go home! I've never seen anyone as angry as Anson was. I really thought he was going to kill me. I shouldn't have laughed. That was mean. Really though who still has a room like that? With all those stuffed animals and dolls? It was weird! Footsteps thunder towards the door right before it's flung open so hard it bangs into the wall. Anson strides over to me. His face is full of rage.

  "Don't you ever, EVER go in there again! Do you hear me? You don't know shit! If you ever upset Ava like that again I'll make sure that your life here is a living hell! You stay the fuck away from her if you know what's good for you!" His face is literally inches from mine. I really don't want to show I'm scared but Oh my God, I'm shaking! I should say something I should apologize but I just keep nodding my head until finally, he turns on his heel and storms out of my room slamming the door so hard I swear it's gonna splinter into a thousand pieces.

  "You never should of fucking brought them here!" he yells before I hear him stomping off down the hall. I guess he was talking to his mom. I wait expecting her to bust in next but she doesn't. After a few minutes, I fall back on my bed and let the tears come.

  I don't know much about Ava. My dad told me and the twins a little bit here and there. Right after he started dating Kate, he told us only that she had two kids. Ava was a year younger than I was and Anson a couple of years older. They had been dating a long time maybe five or six months before we met Kate and Anson. They came up to our place one night and we went to dinner. It was seriously awkward as hell. Anson glared the whole time and the twins wouldn't shut up. I had plans to go out with Jase my boyfriend and had had to cancel. Which of course pissed Jase off. My dad sat me and the boys down before they arrived and simply said that only Anson and Kate were gonna be there. He said they had hoped Ava could come but that she wasn't "feeling well" and couldn't make the trip. Then he said that she had some "health is
sues". Whatever that meant? To be honest I thought that she was just a spoiled, little princess who probably didn't want to be there and so she had conned her mom into letting her stay home. It wasn't fair! I had to go to some crappy, stupid dinner and she got to stay home.

  A few weeks later my dad told us that he and Kate were engaged. I cried that night. I didn't want my dad marrying her. Over the next 3 months, I heard little bits here and there about Ava. I knew something bad happened to her when she was younger. I knew she had anxiety and panic attacks because of it. But it wasn't until a few weeks before the wedding that Dad called me, Jack and Oliver into his study and told us that we would be moving to Fair Springs. My mouth dropped open.

  "Hell no! I'm not moving!" I yelled at him.

  " Watch your mouth, young lady, I know you're upset but that is not an acceptable way to speak to me." He leveled his stern I'm-not-kidding-you're- about-to-lose-your-phone look at me. Seriously? He's just told me my whole life is over and he's lecturing me about my LANGUAGE? No amount of pleading, arguing or tears swayed him either. He told us a little more about Ava that night. He said that she has some pretty serious issues because of some "incident" and that stability was very important to her health. He told us that it'd be better for us there, that their house is massive, we would have more room and there was a very good school in Fair Springs. Like I really cared about that! But one thing he stressed to us was that we were to pretty much leave Ava alone. She didn't like strangers and until she was used to us, we were to basically be friendly but not to disrupt her life.

  Almost every day after that we were reminded of that fact.

  "Don't startle her. Don't roughhouse around Ava."

  "No loud noises around Ava"

  "Don't stare at her"